A Case of the Moms

I'm a very good mom. I can say that with confidence. It might be one of the things I'm actually best at. Don't get me wrong, I have my fair share of doubts and screw-ups; of mom guilt and not-so-great moments. But I also know that's part of what makes me a good mom. None of us get it right 100% of the time, and in our weaknesses, that shows our kids so much too.

Even though I'm good at it, I haven't always enjoyed being a mom. I had a lot of my own crap to overcome to really appreciate how much these two little humans mean to me. I also am not one of those ladies that gets all gaga over babies - and especially not toddlers - so when they were little it was more about keeping them alive and cared for than anything else. I think I had a block on joy - it was about getting everything handled. When you're a single parent, it can often get like that. Eye on the prize, light at the end of the tunnel - all that jazz. 

But the past few years, I've really fallen in love with my daughters. They're the best. I enjoy these years of about 10 and up more than most of what came before it. The only thing is, now one of them is a teenager and the other almost is too. And, even though I know I'm a good mom, teenagers are super scary. 

 

See, don't they look terrifying? But, for real, what's scary about it is the vulnerability of the impact of my decisions and leadership on their life and the way their choices will effect their lives in the future. Plus, I was a pretty good kid and I still am appalled at some of the decisions I made way back in the day, so it's scary looking through that lens and into their little lives. I could ruin them. They could ruin them. Other people could ruin them. 

But then I have to think, stop it, dude. My dad reminded me that the bible says "Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6) and I have to trust that I have everything they need and so do they. 

We've had some hiccups lately. It's totally been rough and I've totally doubted my mom abilities at times. They've been through a lot in their short little lives. We've been through a lot together. But I'm a good mom and I fight for another day because when it's all over and I'm in that (really, really nice because they adore me so much) nursing home taking my last breath, they are the only thing in this world that truly matters to me and I know they'll say "you were such a good mom and we know how much you love us." So, other moms who need to read it - stop it too, dude. You got this. You are good and you are more than enough, even for your teens.